For as much as I can think, I have always been a solitary, independent individual, and an introvert. But I'm coming to the realisation that I can't always avoid the outside world by pretending to myself that it isn't here.
After all, as one of my favourite authors, Alan Watts, liked to emphasise, what happens on the inner always happens on the outer, and vice versa. In other words, reality often appears to us like a mirror does in the morning... And yet we still just have to go and look in that mirror, don't we?
Recently I have been noticing how everyday, through every moment, I'm looking for my reflection - and not only in the mirror. Especially at those times when I feel somewhat small, powerless, vulnerable, I feel an urge to affirm myself, my existence, my aliveness. So I try to make an echo, an effect, something (anything!) that assures me that I am, in fact, alive (phew!).
Why else did I create this blog? I need to be alive. Or do I? But how can I not be alive? Isn't it already obvious that I'm...me?
Yes.
And no.
Recently I have sought the "echo" in such impulsions as the dynamic art of surfing the Internet, trying to make someone grasp an idea of mine, or simply devouring a taste-provoking substance such as cereal. I figure that such inclinations (in their intensity) are just my attempts to prove to myself that what is on the inside (of me) is also on the outside, in "reality". Perhaps this is because I feel separate and apart from the world, from existence, and I want to feel like I am a part of it.
